About yoga, Star Wars and letting go

As much as I love Star Wars this will not be a blog about yoga poses that Stormtroopers do every morning. It is more about ‘war’ and ‘stars’ and well obviously Yoga. It also has to do with my personal journey and letting go. Since writing has so far shown to be the best way for me to let go, here it goes.

A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away… there was this great force, let’s call it Yoga practice, that helped a lot of people who tried to use it to feel better on all levels. As I felt strong disturbance in my back I decided to try Yoga. It helped immediately. It has seemed the force was strong in my family. So I found a Yoga Master (or he found me. Or as they say when an apprentice is ready the teacher will come) to teach me this ancient wisdom. Not an easy journey but well worth travelling. I’ve learned all about how much I have to learn in those three years and although when starting I never thought I myself might be the one teaching that is exactly where my path was going.

First I taught just from time to time, but after moving to another Galaxy this teaching became my sole source of income. Being a new teacher in a new galaxy, it was far from easy. Some doors opened some closed, but after a lot of rising up with the Sun and a lot of door to doors knocking with a wee Padawan to be in buggy and another in the belly, finally I got my Yoga teaching business going. It was like I had three babies – so big was my happiness about having my own work. However, the wee baby was soon to come and meet our family, so I needed another Master to look after this ‘yoga baby business’ until I return.

As always with the Universe when you wish for something you will get it. The Teacher came from the same planet we came! Oh, the joy and happiness, because for that last year there were some long long days and homesick moments. Everything seems easier when you have a friend to trust, even welcoming your wee bundle into this world. All was settled, a wee yoga Padawan number 2 came, but unfortunately we didn’t get much chance to enjoy our time. A painful injury during the birth made almost everything either impossible or  painful.

My plan was to have a maternity leave for 2 months (very ambitious, indeed), but it took longer then that until I had my strength back and pain reduced to the point of being able to step into my teaching role back again. Well, not much longer, about 7 months. After all, there was nothing to worry about, my business was in safe hands. Or maybe it wasn’t? It seems that in Yoga War, just like in a real one, everything is permitted. Normally, you would thing Yoga is about peace of mind, finding a breath, about relaxation or even enlightenment, but seems like it is more about lots of other things as well.

Long story short, I didn’t get my classes back. It took me ages to get back on my feet. I had two under ‘5 in a country without an affordable nursery to cater for them. My injury hadn’t healed. Financially we were bad, but not as bad as my spirit. When that is hurt you may as well say bye bye to your good health. My wee Padawan is now well over 2, but I still haven’t healed which is why I am writing this post. I do believe I have to let go in order to go on. There is a chance we will not stay in this Galaxy and I do not want to leave with the gut feeling I am running away.

For one thing now more then ever I am sure I have not done anything wrong. There is absolutely no reason why I should feel ashamed, which is exactly what I had been doing for a long time. Shame on me to trust someone! Shame on me because I wasn’t smart enough to sign a contract. I was angry because I let down my guard and opened my heart so much to invite the person to witness one of the most emotional moments in a women’s life. I was raging with anger back on myself, because I’ve started to close that same heart to people near and dear and above all I closed it for myself.

Now it is time to let go of the shame and anger. Since I am still not that high in my Master skills as Jesus was, I will have to say I still do hope Karma will have it’s say on this. I have managed to open my heart back again to a wonderful group of teachers. Together we started to make beautiful things. Our first joined project was to support women who need it the most. Everything was synchronised and perfect. A rainy saggy night became enchanted. The magic opened my heart a wee bit and I was able to see what I have been missing this last two years.  Some self love to start with. I almost started to hate this ancient practice as much as myself. On many levels it became pure business.

letting-go

Finally I’ve realised it doesn’t matter. I am my only hope (Sorry Obi I do love you still). The way I approach it, the way I teach it, the way I use it. If my way (and feel free to put old Franky boy here in the background) is to help myself and others none of the Imperial forces can’t hurt us. Force is stronger when you’re holding a green lightsaber.

Namaste and May The Force Be With You